by Walt Urnative
Atrociated Press.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After much anticipation, the National Archive has released some documents from the Clinton White House. The declassified papers were schedules used by the Clintons. Clinton employees took the extra step of emphasizing important details with a black highlighter marker.

“We definitely want to release the documents to the public,” Hillary Clinton commented. “But I've been so busy trying to win the presidency, it's been hard to find time to supply the public with insider details of my political past. We want to do a quality job, highlighting the important parts for you in black. Maybe after the election, I can free up enough time to process and release the remaining documents.

“Help is on the way though. I am an equal opportunity employer, since it is important to accommodate the disabled. There is one person with dyslexia and one blind person on the staff and what better place to assign them than sorting through thousands of documents?”

Highlights of the Clinton schedules include Hillary's meeting with Chad O. Dweller, her lunch with Eve Ilpersonne, and her multiple hours spent learning to appear human. Also emphasized by the black marker was Bill Clinton's Pardon Giveaway Contest, and his trip to The Whore's Nest.

“I have nothing to hide,” replied Bill Clinton when asked about his involvement in the documents. “A president has to meet with several legitimate people on a daily basis, like Ima Hooker, Trysten Seakrette, and Juan Knightstand. I made up lots of names - um - that is to say I made up a list of names and put them on the schedule.”