by Walt Urnative
Atrociated Press.

Yesterday, Senator Ted Kennedy announced his endorsement for Super Sunday. Surrounded by a score of bikini models he declared, “I wholeheartedly endorse Bud Light for your sporting festivities. Bud has what it takes to produce change. For example, if you pay for a case of Bud Light with a twenty dollar bill, you will get some change back, which can be used to play a round at the claw machine.”

The Senator praised the beverage for ensuring American jobs, fighting the outsourcing of adult beverages like Labatt Blue. It was the first time for Kennedy to endorse a beverage of color, as his previous endorsements went to Absolut Vodka.

Senator Hillary Clinton expressed concern over the endorsement, citing the objectification of women in alcoholic beverage commercials. “This is just another example of sexist propaganda giving beer companies another chance to display bikini models, and I am appalled that Senator Kennedy would participate. Plus, he didn't endorse me,” she remarked.

When asked about his sensitivity to women's rights, Kennedy said, “people are so nitpicky these days it's like dating a feminist. If I don't open the car door for a woman, I'm not a gentleman. If I do open the door, I'm a chauvinist pig. Now I don't even bother with that. I just roll down the window and swim to the surface.”